a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
