YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
