The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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