A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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