I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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