his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
