Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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