There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I think your dad took our porno
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
