Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
