Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
