i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
