one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
