I just pynch a tree in the face
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
