I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
