If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
