you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
