I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
