Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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