Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
