Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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