lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
