so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Of course I have a pirate flag
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
