My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
