So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
