I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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