And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
