I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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