Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
