I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Are my feet made of real feet?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
