My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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