A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
