he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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