I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
