After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
