it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
