Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
