My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I wish you could order shots online.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
