every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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