i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
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