Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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