I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
