My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
