eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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