Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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