He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
