apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
