I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
