3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
