I think scott just propositioned me for sex
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Randomize
