I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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