she woke up with a sticky ear
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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